How Not to Comment on Blog and Facebook Posts


Consider, brethren and sistern, the following scenario:

  • Agnes: Hey, y’all, I’m looking for a great potato salad recipe. Anybody have a favorite they’d like to share?
  • Bertha: Here’s my favorite tuna salad recipe!
  • Cora: I don’t like potato salad.
  • Dorcas: You should make mashed potatoes instead.
  • Ethel: My cousin’s neighbor’s dog’s former owner’s barber is allergic to potatoes!
  • Frances: Potatoes are so bad for you!!!
  • Gertie: LOL, Cora! I don’t like potato salad, either!
  • Harriet: me to. its gross.
  • Ingrid: One time I got food poisoning from potato salad.
  • Judith: One time I got it from chicken.
  • Kay: One time I got it at a Chinese restaurant.
  • Leticia: i love Chinese food!!!
  • Myrtle:  me to! its great!!!
  • Norma: Yuck. I hate raw fish.
  • Opal: That’s Japanese, stupid.
  • Petunia: Your so mean, Opal!
  • Quinn: Have you looked on Pinterest?
  • Rosamund: Just Google for recipes.
  • Stella: Here’s a link to 273 versions:
  • Thelma: My aunt used to make great potato salad, but she died and never told anybody the recipe.
  • Ursula: Remember when Dan Quail couldn’t spell potato? lol!!!
  • Velma: Ha! You misspelled Quayle!
  • Wilma: Your so mean, Velma!
  • Xenia: You say potayto, I say potahto.
  • Yolanda: I love Fred Astaire!!!
  • Zelma: First, boil 12 medium red potatoes….

Haven’t got anything to say that’s relevant to the question? Then please suppress the urge to spout off just to hear yourself spout off. St. James said it best: “For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the keyboard” (James 3:7-8a, NRSV*). Why announce to the world that you are self-centered or have the reading comprehension skills of a wombat?

Now…that said, I expect, nay demand, that the comments on this post be filled with all manner of tangential fatuity for the general hilarity of all. Get to it!


*NRSV=Not Really Serious Version

18 responses »

  1. Pingback: A Little Help for Our Friends « Femina

  2. The reverse misogyny is killing me. Can men not also have a lack of great potato salad recipes? I was going to throw a hissy-fit over here, but I think I’ll call Rachel Held Evans and have her do it for me.

  3. Pingback: Let Me Direct You Elsewhere… | hisgracemygrowth

  4. Just a warning: potato salad usually has mayonnaise and eggs in it, so it spoils quickly. Make sure you don’t leave it out on the counter. In fact, it’s best to fill a bowl with ice water and set the bowl of potato salad in that to keep it cold if serving buffet style.

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