Stuff the Bible Doesn’t Say — Episode 1


“So the eunuch answered Philip and said, ‘I ask you, of whom does the prophet say this, of himself or of some other man?’ Then Philip opened his mouth, and beginning at this Scripture, preached Jesus to him. Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the eunuch said, ‘See, here is water. What hinders me from being baptized?’ Then Philip said, ‘You haven’t gone through the eight-week membership class.’ And he answered and said, ‘Dang. Oh, well. Maybe next time I’m back in town.'” (Acts 8:34-37, NEV*)

Dear churches of Jesus Christ,

If you want to offer classes as a service to newcomers who are interested in learning more about your congregation, knock yourselves out. But requiring such classes, whether for 30-second-old converts or for professing Christians of 30 years who are transferring their membership in good standing from another congregation, is ridiculous and unbiblical. The early church was adding to its numbers daily, not quarterly on a specially designated new member Sunday. Why do you want to make it so blasted difficult?


*NEV=Non-Existent Version


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